Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Decided to add my posts from my chronic fatigue support group journal. It's interesting that I actually get a response from my virtual friends. My friends and family in the here and now world don't comment on my blog. That's why I love my support group. People there have helped me a lot because they know what I am going through and that I need to vent once in a while.

I have actually been doing okay lately. Whatever "okay" means. For me it means that I haven't had flares in the extreme that totally knock me out. Doesn't mean an absence of pain or fatigue.

I can say things to my CFS friends without having to apologize and they know I'm grateful for the little things without my having to qualify everything I say. They even tell me how much I have helped them and that makes me feel like I am worth something. One friend told me I saved her life one day when she was feeling like completely giving up. I think our group helped her hold on.

Anyway, that is where my writing has been. Plus, I have a journal that I kept through the spring and summer in a regular old fashioned notebook. I kept thinking I needed to put everything together in one place. At least it's here or in my notebook. I need to print this stuff out.

I actually sent an application to teach at the new community college here in Boise. Don't think I'll have the energy to teach, but there was a part of me that wanted to try to be "normal", I guess. I don't want to miss Abby's and Reed's games and meets. Time goes by so quickly and I have such limited energy that I don't want to give up the time I have watching them. I thought I'd try just to see...

Grateful for the things I can do each day. Curious about why the pain comes when it comes and what I've done differently when it isn't as bad.



Brent said...

Hey Kate,

I saw you on Daily Strength and came over to check out your blog. I've had fatigue for about 3 years now that I got in the middle of graduate school. I not currently working and getting help from my family. I know what you mean by putting in an application to teach. I just applied for a couple of jobs that would be great to have teaching youth. However, the way I felt yesterday, I realize that I might not be able to do them as I can't predict when I will feel that way (I obviously applied on a day I was feeling good!;)). Then I couldn't get to sleep until 7am this morning (your post about sleep-deprivation torture in a prison camp made me laugh)! I just want to say thanks for your writing!


Brent said...

I mean "Katy", sorry I got your name wrong!