Wednesday, October 21, 2009
How is it physically possible to not sleep. I can be exhausted and weak and still not sleep until maybe 4:30 in the morning. Last night not at all. I marvel at the idea. If I was a prisoner of war and my captors tried to torture me with sleep deprivation the joke would be on them. I would laugh inside of myself and watch them squirm trying to figure out how I could stay awake night after night. I don't know how it's possible and it's me.
One night I loaded up on everything in my homeopathic arsenal of sleep aids and still remained awake. I started early in the evening trying to prepare myself for some form of relaxed restfulness. Not to be.
I remember seeing an episode of Star Trek the Next Generation when the crew was suffering from sleep deprivation and were having all kinds of hallucinations. I haven't been entertained with this bizarre side effect. I just have swirling thoughts that swim around when I'm trying to figure out what to do with my mind when my body won't sleep.
I just ordered a couple of other homeopathic remedies that might help. Have to keep trying. I just laid in bed this morning as the light started to come into the room and wondered if this was really my life. I forced myself to get up. Now I just drift. I'm too tired to be of much good to anyone. Here I go to do the best I can to hold and try to do a little something here or there, then rest, then maybe a little something else.
I wonder what information my captors are trying to get out of me...