I was just thinking about how pretty the colors of the leaves are on the trees and how they would soon be gone and there wouldn't be any color left. I tried to catch my thought before it went too far because I'm working on trying to stay within a moment rather than shoot my thoughts out into the unpredictable, mysterious future. (Even though it's fairly predictable that the leaves on the trees will fall, it's the mental exercise I'm talking about.) It's a challenge for me because sometimes my painful moments add up and I don't much like staying inside of them. It's a dreary day and my heart feels dreary.
A man shared his testimony yesterday and in it he said that things have been pretty tough at work and one night at the dinner table one of his kids asked the mom why dad didn't smile anymore. I think many of us get caught up inside of our moments of worry and anxiety and those moments stretch beyond out intentions. There aren't immediate solutions to some of our dilemmas and as we are thinking of ways to change our current situation our thoughts can get stuck. They become particularly sticky when we can't seem to find a way out of our problem.
The man who shared his testimony is someone whom I would not have thought about being in a difficult situation. How often do we assume everyone else is doing fine unless they say something to the contrary? We had a lesson in RS yesterday about self reliance and I was thinking about whether or not everyone in the room was financially self reliant. I wondered what it was like to feel like no matter how much money you had it was enough, instead of wondering how to get more money. I wondered how many people were thinking what I was thinking, and how many were saying things that were based on everything we should be doing rather than what their personal situation is really like.
Anyway...these are my thoughts inside of this moment. I'm thinking about how desperate some people might be feeling right now and what kinds of prayers they are saying. Are their prayers like mine? We might believe the Lord is watching over us and our needs will be met but we still wonder how that is going to happen over time. Perhaps I'm not self reliant enough in terms of faith. How much does a moment of faith cost?